


You're Not Broken

by bookl0ver



Series: Ben Mitchell Week 2020 [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Mitchell Week 2020, Character Study, Don't copy to another site, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27684535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookl0ver/pseuds/bookl0ver
Summary: My first contribution for Ben Mitchell Week 2020"You're not broken."
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ben Mitchell Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024476
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	You're Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mentions of Paul and what happened to him, internalised homophobia, homophobia, ableism. 
> 
> This is basically Ben reflecting on his life.

There are some things that some people just aren’t meant to have. They can wish, and pray and fight, maybe even hold those things in the palms of their hands – but they will always lose them, inevitably. 

Some people just aren’t meant to be happy. 

Ben Mitchell was one such person. Life had taught him from an early age that he was too damaged, too broken to ever achieve real happiness. Before he was even aware of himself he was a disappointment to his father, half-deaf and weak. Nothing changed as he aged. His mother was ripped away from him, his father and half-brother fought for him only to win points against one another. All of his hobbies and interests were mocked and dismissed. He was bullied and tortured at home and at school, by step-mothers and schoolmates, and he knew then he was too broken to ever deserve real love. 

He went to prison, came out hardened and scared, aware of something else, another brokenness, another malfunction in his wiring. He was gay. Deaf, gay, broken. Replaced, by any young man his father could find, rejected from his family’s inner circle, getting his cousin pregnant in a desperate attempt to prove he was straight. And it only got worse, after Heather.  
When he finally felt like he had found happiness, true happiness with Paul, that had only solidified to him that he was never allowed it, not for long. Instead of just walking away like Paul had wanted he’d antagonised the men until they gave chase, and he’d lost Paul as a result. In that moment he knew he was never allowed to be truly happy. 

So he turned to anything else; drugs and drink, meaningless sex and hook-ups with faceless men, anyone who’d have him. Ran away from Walford and made a semblance of a life for himself. He wasn’t happy, but things were going well. Until, like a fish on a lure he had been dragged back to London to finally show his dad what kind of man he was, that he was worthy of being his son, just as cunning and malicious as any other Mitchell. And he’d failed at that, spectacularly. 

Failure after failure, the story of his life 

But now, here, as he lay in bed, with Lexi curled under one arm, his princess having had a nightmare that only daddy’s cuddles could soothe her from, and Callum snoring gently at his back, one arm looped over his waist, he thought maybe he was wrong. 

Maybe, just maybe, he did deserve happiness. Could be happy, truly, surrounded by success and people who loved him. 

Maybe, he thought to himself, as his little girl stirred, shifting closer to his chest, maybe you’re not broken, not as much as you thought. 

Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, comments and kudos are really appreciated. 
> 
> Have a great day!


End file.
